The Truly Real Housewife

Grabbing Onto the Good

2011-07-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

I have always been a pessimist, a glass-half-empty sort of gal. It just seems to be easier that way, because you're less likely to be disappointed. My upbringing kind of made me that way. If I didn't expect much for birthdays and Christmas and anything else that takes money, I was never disappointed because it was just as I expected. If I expected to not do well on a test and ended up getting an A, what a great surprise! Just the way I've always been. But lately, as I have been more reflective and studying scriptures more, I find myself leaning towards optimism. But I'm still embarrassed to reveal that part of me. I am a funny person. But if I believe in Christ, and believe in the scriptures, then I must be a hopeful person. I DO believe in Christ and I DO believe in the scriptures. Therefore, I should be an optimist. I should hope for the best. I have found lately that I am grasping onto the good and not letting go. Yes, my life is not perfect. Yes, we have problems. But I am not depressed about it. I used to get depressed so easily. In fact, for a brief moment in high school I contemplated suicide. That is so far from my way of thinking now it's laughable. We have no money for anything but bills. I'm not even sure I will be able to grocery shop this month. I don't know how to outfit my kids for school this year. That worries me. But I faithfully pay my tithing. I trust the Lord knows my needs and He will provide. The good thing this week? My husband's schedule changed at the last minute and he will be back to his regular schedule cutting his commute down to 10 minutes from 60 and getting his regular overtime back. This was not going to happen when he went to bid, but then it opened up and miraculously it did. This was a direct tithing blessing. I will never believe otherwise. My parents are being sued by some overzealous, bored neighbor. They are in debt around a million dollars thanks to my dad's medical bills. My mom works at a horrible dollar store in one of the worst parts of town. My dad works less and less all the time (by choice). Their house is a hole that probably should be condemned. My sister lives there and does hardly anything for them. But she finally got a job after being out of work for 3 months! It's almost weird to be looking at the positive side of things. I feel like a whole new person. I could make a list of the good and bad and the bad would almost certainly outweigh the good. But the good is so amazing and overwhelming and wonderful it sooo outweighs the bad. This is hope in Christ. This is looking for the best while preparing for the worst. This is what I've been missing out on for all those pessimistic years. What a waste!

UNFAIR!!

2011-06-28T10:41:00.001-07:00

I have had four children. I am not very big, but 3 of my 4 babies were. My hips are now wider than they were before I had children. My stomach muscles are pretty much useless now, too. I've been married for almost 15 years and I'm closer to 40 than 30. Do I look like I did in high school? Not even close. But my dear sweet husband. He's a different story. I found a picture of him as a senior in high school the other day. He was in a tank top and flexing his gorgeous biceps and pecs. Here's the problem: HE STILL LOOKS LIKE THAT!! In fact, he looks better now than he did then! How is that fair? True, he did not have to bear four children. But still, the man is in his mid 30's and looks better now than when he was 17? NOT FAIR! His job is mostly sitting for hours on end. He eats ice cream almost daily and drinks almost nothing but soda. He works evenings and eats just before going to bed at night. And yet he has a washboard stomach, ridiculous arms and chest and legs as hard as a brick wall. Unbelievable. I worked out everyday for two weeks and lost nothing. He works out a couple times a week and loses weight while gaining muscle. I eat treats with him at night before we go to bed and I gain 8 pounds. I run around all day after these children, and do laundry and weed pulling and dishes and vacuuming and dusting and kitchen cleaning and bath room cleaning and have a disgusting muffin top that is getting worse. I love my hubby. I find him extremely sexy. I just wish I could feel the same way about myself. My baby is 4 now and I'm still struggling to lose my baby weight. My husband is in the best shape of his life. Can't we be fat together???

BLESSINGS

2011-06-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

I am truly blessed. My life is so far from perfect, but I am still blessed. There is tragedy and sadness and horror all around me. The world is a frightening place and getting more and more scary by the day. But I have a wonderful husband who is loyal, faithful and loving. I have four wonderful, healthy, intelligent, caring children. I have the knowledge of truth and a testimony of God and Jesus Christ. I am fairly healthy. I have a saint for a mother. I have a house to live in and food to eat. My cars work, for the most part. Thank God I was born where and when I was. I am surrounded by divorce and heartbreak, rifts in families, destitution, people living in daily fear. I cannot even watch the news anymore because everything is depressing and wrong. I have family members making poor and horrible choices that cause heartbreak and anguish to all around them. I have finally come to realize that I cannot control all that. I really have very little control in the larger scheme of things. Let go, let God. I have no control except to pray and plead to my Father in Heaven. May those around me feel His love and His power to comfort and bring peace. I don't have that power. I cannot make people choose the way I think they should. I cannot bring that internal peace everyone needs. I cannot make people believe what I think they should believe. But I can search for that peace and pray that others may find it as well. Peace not as the world can bring, but peace only through the Savior.

STEP UP PARENTS!

2011-06-09T13:25:00.001-07:00

Every night this week, there has been a report of children dying. This is especially tragic because ALL of them were PREVENTABLE. A two year old drown in a river during a family camping trip because only a 7 year old was left to watch him. Another 2 year old drown in a canal because he was playing at a park and no one bothered to watch him as he left the playground, crossed a huge field, snuck through a broken fence and fell into the water. An 8 year old and his mother both fell into the swift moving, flooded river and only the mother was pulled out. A teenager tried floating down another swollen river on an air mattress and had to be rescued. Another teenager crossed infront of a train and got hit. What is going on, people??? Are we so busy with our lives that we cannot take time to know where our children are or to teach them basic safety skills? For months, the news has been about flooding everywhere and to be EXTRA CAUTIOUS around water because it's high, cold and fast moving. And how do you get hit by a train when lights are flashing and arms are down and the TRACKS show you EXACTLY where the train is going to be? This is why we have them wear helmets when they bike or scooter. This is why we have seat belts in our vehicles. This is why we keep poisons out of reach and supervise scissor use. But we can't keep them away from dangerous rivers? We can't teach them how and when to cross streets and train tracks? These parents now have to deal not only with losing a child, but the guilt of not keeping them safe. That is horrible. I cannot think of anything worse. Let's all take an extra second today. Tell our kids we love them. Teach them safety rules in and out of the house. There is so much evil and danger in the world already. Let's not go chasing waterfalls.

Pity Party

2011-06-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

I find myself sitting at home vegging out on the computer, playing puzzle games. I could have gone to a party, but chose to "forget" about it. Too many people to have ignore me. I also find myself wallowing in a misery for loved ones. I am so disappointed in so many of them lately. I can do nothing more than just watch them make mistake after mistake. I know what is right and what is wrong. I also know that what the world teaches is right and wrong is NOT even close to what is ACTUALLY right and wrong. It's more sad because these family members used to believe the same and they have made such a 180 on what they know to be true. How can I pretend to be happy for them when I'm really just sad and disappointed? Yippee, you had a baby out of wedlock! Congratulations on the shot-gun wedding! Hey, you had a great time getting drunk at that party, good for you! Wow, what a great job you're doing at ruining your children's lives by being totally selfish! Am I perfect? Not in the least. But I'm trying. I'm also trying to teach my children the right way to have a happy and productive life. Great examples, my beloved family members. Thanks so much for that. This is when I just want to hide myself and my children away from the world. I know we're supposed be IN the world not OF the world. But I'm finding more and more that I don't even want to be IN the world. I want to live behind a large wall away from everything and everyone. But I've got to be strong to be able to teach my children to avoid temptation. I have to rely on only my Father in Heaven because everyone else is just disappointing. I've also got to pull myself out of this funk. It's not my fault they have chosen other ways. I also have no control over it. Oh, that I were an angel...

Bittersweet Endings

2011-05-05T14:26:00.001-07:00

I find myself at the end of the baby road. It's exciting but kind of sad. I officially removed all the baby-proofing cabinet closers yesterday. At this point, they're more annoying than anything and all my kids are now old enough to open them anyway. I also have not bought diapers or specific baby food or even whole milk for a while now. The crib has been collecting dust in the basement for a few years. I don't have to help anyone get dressed (except for tying shoes or zipping up the back of a dress). When my daughter was born, my husband and I both felt that our family was complete. It was a good way to end after three boys. I can look at other pregnant ladies or other babies and not feel that pang to have another. I feel joy that I am past that stage. I get to watch my babies grow into youth. I really enjoyed being pregnant, for the most part. I loved giving birth and seeing who I'd been creating for the previous 9 months. I loved nursing them. But that part of my life is over. And that's ok. I am looking forward to the next 14 or so years as all my kids slowly grow up and out. It is still hard to watch them grow up. I about had a heart attack when I got the letter in the mail notifying me of 7th grade registration for my oldest. My baby will soon be 4. My kids are becoming more independent. It's a joy to watch that. I'm moving past the "do things for you" stage into the "guide you" stage. It's scary. It's wonderful. It's nerve-wracking. It's relaxing. Everyday is a new emotion. "Ah! My son will be in junior high!" "No more diapers!!" "Hey! My kids got up and ready for school without constant prodding!" "Have you really outgrown ALL the pants I bought for you for school?" Now, I just have to prod along, hoping I am preparing them to become a part of this world, that I am showing them how to be responsible, loving, righteous adults. That's a lot of pressure! Maybe those middle-of-night feedings and carrying around huge diaper bags weren't too bad...

Lies, Half-Truths, and Make-Believe

2011-04-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

Having just come through Easter with my children, I have been pondering all the mis-truths that we tell our kids. Although most are with good intentions and fun, when it comes down to it we are just lying to our kids. I am just as guilty. I can't help myself. I love the tradition of Santa Clause. I love the whole idea of him. Wouldn't it be wonderful if he were real? The Easter Bunny really doesn't make sense to me though. How did a holiday about resurrection and traditional chocolate candy and eggs get associated with a rabbit? Wouldn't an Easter Chicken make more sense? Or maybe an Easter Phoenix, since that mythical bird is all about resurrection? The tooth fairy is the least logical to me. What parent dreamt this up? Who first thought baby teeth would be worth money? It's not like the kids earn this, the teeth just fall out. And the tooth fairy never comes on time in my house. She is very forgetful, not to mention much stingier than at other houses.
But it's not just about the elves and leprechauns. How about the stork that brings babies? Subject matters that are uncomfortable have to involve the best lies. The stork has never been a story I have told, but you also cannot explain how babies are really made to a 4-year-old. You also cannot tell kids what you are REALLY doing behind that locked bedroom door. Oh, the half-truths I have come up with to explain to my inquisitive children about how the baby got in my tummy. I went through it with every pregnancy after my first. Not to mention explaining the dog was really only "hugging" their leg.
I have been open about body parts, though. My sons don't have a "thingy" or a "twig and berries" or a "tallywacker", they have a penis. This is more because I find a lot of the euphemisms more crass than the actual body part name. I mean, "tallywacker"? Really?

The Secret Revealed

2011-04-18T18:42:00.000-07:00

I found the secret to getting help around the house. Nagging doesn't work. Taking on all the responsibility yourself and being a martyr doesn't work. Taking away privileges doesn't work. Screaming and yelling doesn't work. Be sick for several days in a row, let things go that you normally do, have both husband and kids home for a week and have cold, rainy weather outside. I got more done today than I have in a month and all I did was lay in bed with a ridiculous headache. For the last 3 weeks I have had physical problem after physical problems. I am normally a healthy person, so this has been odd. It started with over-the-top seasonal allergies. Both eyes swelled up to the point I was squinting without trying. Finally the eyes got back to normal and I end up with a headache/stomachache for 4 straight days. No one who's nauseous wants to clean anything, especially kitchens or bathrooms. Welcome to spring break. We have plans for yard work all week long, but wake up to pouring rain. No gardening today. No mowing today. No garbage clean-up today. Definitely no burning today. So stir-crazy husband decides he's "got to do something". So he takes apart the kitchen and cleans it. Not just the countertops, but the cupboard doors, the sink, the table and even the floor! He also "inspires" the kids to get to their rooms, something I've been trying to do for at least a week. And all bedrooms are now clean. And the kitchen is spotless. And I literally laid in bed while all this was done. Sometimes it pays to be sick. Forget the sympathy, I'll take the the clean house any day!! Now if I can figure out a way to accomplish this WITHOUT the illness and the total vacation from school and work.

Sick Days

2011-04-12T14:18:00.001-07:00

Welcome to mommyhood. Your days of being selfish in any form are over. Which mostly is a good thing. Selfishness never was happiness. But is it too much to ask for a little sympathy? Kids get sick all the time. And we, the moms, baby them and love them and fuss over them. They don't have to move all day if they don't feel like it. All responsibilites are tossed aside. Hubby gets sick, he calls into work. He stays in bed. Mom spends all day keeping kids quiet so dad can rest because he's sick. Someone at work will cover for him until he gets better. Mom gets sick. Laundry still has to be done. Dishes still need to be washed. Groceries still need to be bought. Kids need help with their homework. And on and on it goes. Is it any wonder that my patience is thin?? I'm not asking to be babied all the time, especially when its just a cold or allergies or something little. I would just like some acknowledgement that I REALLY AM SICK. I move slower with a headache. I am grochier with swollen eyes and itchy nose. I will fix you dinner. I will get the clothes washed. But can I at least get some quiet?? Can I get some sympathy without being patronized? I don't get sick that often. I try not to. I can't afford the time off. There's no one to fill in for me. No, I don't want to drive you to school when you can take the bus just fine. No, I'm not making lunch for you - it's called a sandwich and you are old enough to make it on your own. No, I did not have a good day and no, I don't want to have sex with you. I want you all to GO AWAY. I want to lay down and zone out on some stupid tv show that no one else likes. I just want to feel better. I just want some sympathy. Someone call my mommy!

I Am A Geek

2011-04-07T13:04:00.001-07:00

I am a geek. I own that. I have always been a geek, one on the outside looking in usually. And most of the time I enjoy that. I like being mostly a loner. I enjoy a good book more than a lot of other things. I like watching certain shows and movies without having to hear other's opinions. I like doing things differently. I like dressing the way I want and I purposely avoid fads. I like my hair to be different; if everybody's wearing it long, I cut it and if everybody's cutting it, I like it long. I've always been like that. I prefer that. Sometimes it does get lonely out here though. Mostly when I'm in a group and everyone seems to be talking around me. That's where it I fight the depression and anger. I'm constantly amazed at how many things I can have in common with people (live in same city, go to same church, married and have kids, etc) and yet be so very different. How can I relish those differences and yet feel left out and alone at the same time? I'm a huge contradiction. The really tough part of this is raising my children. I want them to be different. I want them to buck trends. I want them to have the fortitude and self-worth to stand for what they believe in and what they want and not be pushed around by peer pressure. I also want them to have friends and be involved and be happy. I used to have lots of friends and I look back on high school with joy and fondness. Now my friends have dwindled to my husband and mother pretty much. I'm ok with that, but is it affecting my children, this anti-social attitude of mine? I want them to grow up to be productive and happy and righteous. In the end, the relationships we have are really all we get to take with us, that and all we learn. How does a geeky mom raise normal, healthy, well-adjusted children??

You Know You're a Mom When...

2011-03-31T14:04:00.000-07:00

...you receive new tires for the van for your birthday and you are EXCITED about it! ...you use "potty", "poop", and "pee" in daily conversations with a straight face. ...the best part of the day is BedTime, and you're not the one going to bed. ...you don't look forward to holidays because it means a day off school. ...your big outing of the week is to the grocery store. ...you can sing the theme song for any show on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel. ...taking a shower is an accomplishment. ...you totally understand your own mother.

Joys of Parenting

2011-03-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

I really do love my kids, all four of them. They are wonderful human beings and just the greatest joys. But they are also the source of my greatest frustrations and the reason my hair is already turning gray at 36! The two biggest frustrations: messy rooms and potty training. Oh how I HATE potty training. I am apparently the worst at it as not one of my children have been fully trained before their 3rd birthday, and most have been closer to 4 or older. Since they take so long to decide to do this, I have LITERALLY changed at least one diaper or pull-up every day of my life since August 1999!! I cannot even begin to compute the number of actual diapers that 12 years of this totals. My almost 4-year-old is wearing underpants today. So far she has gone potty twice, but we're only half way through the day. She is so smart and can do so many other things, why is going potty so difficult to understand?? She can write her name and all the letters of the alphabet, she knows all her colors, can count to 20 without help, she can sing any song she's ever heard, she knows her left from her right, knows all her shapes and can even speak some Spanish and Mandarin. But cannot understand going potty! When this finally happens and I no longer have any diapers in my house, I am throwing a party. A Liberation from Diapers party. Just for me. No kids allowed. After 12 years of this, I deserve it. Now, if only I can get my older boys to aim directly into the toilet...

My Own Personal Reality

2011-03-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

Who are these crazy "housewives" and who are they trying to kid? Whose reality is this? Am I so behind the times as a "housewife"? I am a mother of 3 boys and 1 girl, ages 3 to 11. I have not worked outside the home for 8 1/2 years. My husband works his butt off to support us and we still don't always make ends meet. My house is a mess. My kids are not perfect nor are they criminals. My husband and I have never slept with anyone but each other. I don't get fancy trips with my kids. All my children came one at a time and were conceived the good old-fashioned way. I worry every week as I grocery shop as I watch the prices creep further and further up. I cannot remember the last time we ate out.
So my answer to all this craziness is to give myself my own "reality show". Here it is. This is the pilot. Welcome to it. Spending all day with a 3 year old wears me out and my most grown up conversations of most days is with my 11 year old and his friends. I have never been a great journal keeper. My reality will be self-therapy as I type all the fun stuff I just can't say.
I discovered something about myself today. My house is messy mostly when I'm happy. That is so strange. I love to clean when I'm angry or depressed. When I fight with my husband, one of the ways I make it up is to make sure the house is clean when he comes home. I spent today cleaning kitchen countertops and tables, washing dishes, picking up the garbage and toys all over downstairs and vacuuming (even moved couches!). Maybe my hubby will talk to me today when he gets home, unlike yesterday when he walked in, sneered at the fried rice I'd made for dinner and spent the rest of the evening in our bedroom with his PS3. I hate fighting with him mostly because he just shuts himself off from everyone. He gets mad and stays away from the family. That makes me sad, then depressed, then angry. Then I clean. Guess I'll get to the bathrooms tomorrow...unless he's over his snit. Maybe it's better for all of us when we're not getting along.